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Episode 45: Kingshammer (The Frostwind Chapter)
Kingshammer '''is the forty-fifth episode in the series and the twelfth episode in The Frostwind Chapter. It's a clash at the gash as the Band of Boobs attempt to thwart Akarot's plan to break the world! Moonshine bullies a powerful geomancer, Beverly goes anti-anti-paladin, and Hardwon returns to his dwarven roots. Plot Synopsis '''Inside The Icy Tunnel The episode begins with Moonshine and Paw Paw, who are in pursuit of Wilhelm Bronzebeard. Moonshine runs down a tunnel made of ice, the sounds of her friends finishing the battle behind her. She has just cast Locate Object on Wilhelm’s warhammer. The spell leads her to an opening in the cave where daylight pierces the ceiling, mixing with a purple glow. She rushes forward to the opening and casts Longstrider on herself. She Catherine Zetas around the corner and finds Wilhelm about 30ft up climbing toward the hole in the ceiling. He is commanding the rocks to pierce the ice and creates pegs to climb up the walls. Moonshine casts Infestation to command frostflies to knock him off the wall. She then tries to catch him with Thorn Whip but fails, and he crashes down into the ground, dealing him 12 damage. He angrily asks her what she’s doing, and she explains she’s fighting for Ulfgar and that they’re both trying to get the Kingshammer. He proudly tries to place himself above her, but she commands the flies to swarm him again. She convinces him to work with her, and the two decide to scale the walls. Moonshine and Wilhelm scale the rocky staircase together, her in front with Paw Paw poking out of her back keeping an eye on the dwarf. Suddenly, at the top of the opening giant white claws perch at the top of the opening. An Adult White Dragon sticks its head down the tunnel toward them, allowing Akarot to clock them. Moonshine flashes the dragon and they roll initiative: The Dragon, Moonshine 4, Wilhelm. Round 1 The dragon flies down into the tunnel and takes a full dash action for 180ft, putting him about 30ft away from Moonshine and Wilhelm. Moonshine uses a bonus action to put a grappling hook around the leg of Wilhelm after a successful Strength Check, and she casts Misty Step while pushing him off the stairs. She chooses not to catch him while he crashes against the floor and the two land about 80ft away from the dragon on the floor. Wilhelm takes a Full Dash Action back down the tunnel, wishing Moonshine good luck as he runs. Round 2 The dragon flies downward into the cave, and hits two Claw Attacks on Moonshine for 22 damage and missing on one other. Moonshine takes a Full Dash Action for 90ft and trips Wilhelm. On Wilhelm’s turn the White Dragon takes a Legendary Action to whip its tail at him, and wraps it around the dwarf and carries him away. After this, the concentration on his stone wall is broken. Moonshine does a Contested Strength Throw against the dragon with Thorn Whip to try to save Wilhelm, but fails and he is carried off. 5 Boobs, 2 Winter Wolves, 2 Bronzebeards and a Rust Moonshine reconvenes with the others, who have just finished a Full Short Rest. She informs them about the dragon and that Wilhelm has been taken away by the dragon. She successfully deceives Rust about how Wilhelm didn’t mention him when saying he regretted leaving behind his two daughters. This upsets Rust, who thinks he’s Wilhelm’s son, and stabs himself with a Pep Stick to chase after his uncle. Hardwon chases after Rust, and succeeds on an Athletics Check to tackle Rust. He pants the upset dwarf, and persuades him with a Nat 20 to calm down and join them. The Bronzebeard cleric who is present offers the BoB some dwarven Pep Sticks and everyone takes a Short Rest. Moonshine asks Tomah about the dragon and she tells her that its a full on asshole. The group then departs and makes for The Gash. Moonshine uses Thorn Whip to climb up the ceiling of the tunnel and Hardwon uses his ice picks to race Rust up the top, successfully beating him. The rest of the group climbs up the walls successfully. They arrive at the top, where the arcane energy mixes with the harsh weather of the mountain creating horrifying cyclones of snow around them. The Gash shimmers a purple light before them, and Akarot appears to address them. The eyeless white dragon lands behind him with Wilhelm caught in his claws. Akarot is not surprised that Heurog gave them no trouble, revealing that the giant was just his carrier who for the Kingshammer. The breathy demon prince notes that only a true champion of Moradin can wield the hammer, and suddenly the Pale Prince appears. He wields the Kingshammer and lifts it above his head. Moonshine quickly casts Heat Metal on the hammer, but the Pale Prince rolls a Nat 20 and holds onto it, albeit taking 10 damage. After attacking, everyone rolls initiative: White Dragon, Hardwon 16, Akarot, Oscar & Tomah, Rust, Wilhelm, Moonshine 7, Balnor, Bev 5. Round 1 The White Dragon breathes a cone of cold breath onto everyone, forcing them to make a Constitution Throw. Everyone succeeds besides Moonshine, dealing 46 damage (halved to 23). The Bronze Beard knight and cleric are described as being on death’s door, and Tomah and Oscar are described as being very hurt. Hardwon thinks about taking a Full Dash Action to run back to The Dwarfanage, but instead receives a Pep Stick from the cleric and swings at the dragon. He uses Lucky to reroll his first swing, and hits dealing 10 damage. During his attacks, everyone makes a Perception Check, and both he and Moonshine hear a voice saying “Tall Dwarf.” He then hits on his second attack for 14 damage, and takes his Action Surge. He hits once more for 15 damage and bargains with the trapped Wilhelm to learn what he did to Gemma. Wilhelm admits that he made a deal with Akarot because the demon said he’d help him secure the hammer for his line. Akarot denies this and says the deal was simply to kill the Pale Prince and Gemma. Hardwon misses on his final attack, but kicks Wilhelm in the face. The dragon takes a Legendary Action against everyone by using a Wing Attack. Everyone makes a Wing Attack, dealing 11 damage and killing both Bronzebeard knights. Akarot casts Banish on Hardwon, who saves on his Wisdom Throw and breaks free from a demi-planar prison. Wilhelm looks to Moonshine and says there’s no saving anyone here, and casts a Level 8 Earthquake Spell. The entire mountain shakes and it flings everyone prone, forcing the Pale Prince to drop the Kingshammer, which begins bouncing down the mountain with the crumbling peak. It starts off 300ft away. Round 1.5 Murph explains that the players can now jump down the mountain up to 500ft after the hammer after taking dash actions. The Pale Prince takes a Dash Action for 30ft and jumps 200ft, taking 20d6 of damage, equalling out to 68 damage. Tomah and Oscar take Full Dash Actions for 80ft to chase after the rocks, and throws Moonshine onto the back of Oscar. Rust rushes forward, using his spear to stab at the claws of the white dragon, but fails three times to unleash Wilhelm. Moonshine jumps over the edge for 500ft, but right before she lands uses Gaseous Form. She tries to grab the hammer, but fails, and lands about 35ft past it, coming out of her Gaseous Form. Balnor rolls a Nat 20 while attacking the dragon, dealing 15 damage. Beverly starts spinning his green sword, and starts walking toward Akarot. Akarot turns toward Rust, and asks him if he wants to be his little brother, which Rust takes as him wanting to be his dad. Bev takes this beat to rush toward Akarot and uses a 2nd Level Divine Smite for 28 damage. He then tries to use an amulet punch, but misses, and Akarot hits his amulet off into the snow below. The hammer falls another 190ft, putting it 490ft down. Round 2 The dragon tosses Wilhelm aside and takes a Full Dash Action downward for 160ft. Hardwon slides 30ft and jumps 150ft, taking 15d6 of damage, equalling out to 52 damage. He then uses his Second Wind to heal. Akarot reaches into Beverly’s pocket to grab the Coin of Akarot to try to offer it to Rust, but Bev snatches it away. In his failure, he then disappears into a mist. The Pale Prince holds his turn, and decides to wait for the dragon. Tomah and Oscar dash another 80ft down the mountain. Rust turns to Wilhelm and asks him for advice, who tells him to run after the Kingshammer. He slides for 30ft and jumps 160ft to outdo Hardwon, taking 16d6 of damage, equalling out of 64 damage. The hammer falls another 160ft, putting it 660ft (mistake by Murph). Wilhelm runs over to Beverly and hops on his back. Moonshine turns to the Pale Prince and uses Lightning Bolt on him. He takes 27 lightning damage and his clothes catch on fire. She then moves 35ft down to 535ft. Balnor rushes forward and successfully makes an Athletics Check to get onto the dragon’s back 180ft down. He takes two attacks but misses twice. The dragon uses a Legendary Attack to hit Balnor with its tail, but misses. Beverly with Wilhelm on his back searches for his amulet and successfully finds it. Next, they jump off the peak and aim for the dragon’s back, but they miss, falling 180ft toward the rocks. As he falls he uses Touch Hands on himself which allows himself to survive 71 damage upon landing. Wilhelm brains himself on the rocks and dies instantly upon impact. The hammer falls another 60ft, putting it at 720ft. Round 3 The dragon flies down to 360ft, scooping the Pale Prince along the way. Hardwon jumps off the mountain and successfully lands next to Balnor and the Pale Prince on the dragon. The dragon uses another Legendary Action to use his tail to hit Hardwon, succeeds and deals 12 damage. The Pale Prince crawls toward Hardwon and attacks thrice, hitting only once for 12 damage. Tomah and Oscar charge down the mountain for another 80ft, and shoots her crossbow at the dragon for 7 damage. The dragon takes a Legendary Action to use his tail to hit Hardwon, succeeds and deals 9 damage. Rust rushes forward to try to land on the dragon, and asks Beverly if his “dad” is okay. Bev deceives Rust and tells him that his dad is fine, and he successfully makes an Athletics Check to land on the dragon. Hardwon points out Wilhelm’s crushed head on the rocks, but fails on a Deception Check to convince him that the dragon killed his dad. He tries to attack Hardwon thrice but misses all three times. The hammer falls another 100ft, putting it at 820ft. Moonshine heals herself with a 1st Level Cure Wounds. Balnor takes two attacks at the Pale Prince, and hits once for 10 damage, but misses on his second. Beverly Misty Steps onto the dragon and heals himself. The hammer falls another 30ft, putting it at 850ft. Round 4 The dragon falls another 160ft, putting it and everyone on it at 480ft. Hardwon swings at Rust and gets a Nat 20, dealing 30 damage. He attacks again and deals 14 damage. Lastly, he looks at Bev’s amulet and heals. The dragon takes a Legendary Action to whip his tail at Beverly but misses. The Pale Prince swings at Hardwon, hits twice for 23 damage, but misses on his third. Tomah and Oscar take another 80ft, and hits once with her crossbow for 9 damage. The dragon takes a Legendary Action and whips it tail at Balnor who is knocked unconscious, but stays holding onto the dragon with a successful Pure Luck Check. Rust swings at Hardwon, hitting twice for 21 damage, but missing on his third. The hammer falls another 70ft, putting it at 890ft. Moonshine makes an Athletics Check and successfully launches herself onto the dragon’s back. Again, the voice from earlier cuts in and desperately demands them to: “Get the hammer.” Moonshine casts a 3rd Level Lightning Bolt on both sides of the dragon’s head and deals 29 damage to it. The dragon takes another Legendary Action to whip his tail at Beverly again, but misses. Balnor rolls a death saving throw, but fails. Beverly moves over to Balnor and grabs onto him so he doesn’t fall. He then uses a Divine Smite and successfully deals 25 damage. Moonshine also deals 6 Spore damage after her turn, which Murph allows. Bev attacks again, and deals 11 damage. The hammer falls another 80ft, putting it at 980ft. Round 5 The dragon falls another 500ft to reach the hammer, and succeeds an Athletics Check to do so. Everyone makes a Dex Save to stay on the dragon, and Bev rolls with advantage because he stabs his sword into it. Everyone except Rust succeeds, and Hardwon pushes him off the dragon, crushing him against the rocks. Hardwon jumps toward the hammer, which is now parallel to them, and dons his Feather Fall Ring as he does so. He makes a DC20 Athletics Check and succeeds, grabbing the hammer out of the air. As he does so, he thinks about his life prior to this, and channels his inner dwarven. He makes a Strength Check, and uses Lucky to reroll, resulting in a 28. He grabs the hammer, and he is instantly surrounded with a warming frosty aura. The voice comes through clearly, now revealed to be Gemma, saying, “My tall dwarf.” Emerging from the hammer the spirits of the original three dwarven kings: Coldain, Bronzebeard, and Maganis. Hardwon lands and begins sliding. Coldain, asks Hardwon why they should fight for him since he’s a human, and he explains that him and the others are trying to save the world. Coldain accepts his answer, and Hardwon receives three 5th Level Spirit Guardians. The Pale Prince jumps off the dragon, and lands next to Hardwon. The Spirit Daddies deal 23 damage to him, and he takes three swings at Hardwon. He misses twice, but hits on his third attack, dealing 10 damage. Tomah and Oscar continue downward, and she misses twice on her crossbow attack. Moonshine goes into her Rage, and attacks with Rosalyn, dealing 18 damage to the dragon +6 spores damage. The dragon takes another Legendary Action to whip his tail at Moonshine, dealing 18 (halved to 9) damage. Balnor makes a death saving throw and succeeds. Beverly holds onto Balnor, and misses on his final Divine Smite. He misses again on his final attack, but casts Shield of Fate on Moonshine as a bonus action. Round 6 The dragon targets Hardwon, and the Spirit Daddies attack it for 27 damage. It attacks Hardwon with its claw, hitting three times for a total of 41 damage. Hardwon switches from Gemma to the Kingshammer, and says “Watch This,” in the hopes that Gemma will here, but rolls a Crit Fail. He uses Lucky to attack again, and fails again. He takes a second attack, and hits the Pale Prince for 21 lethal damage with the Kingshammer. Lastly, he decapitates the prince from the eyes up so he can preserve his perfect body. The dragon takes another Legendary Action to attack Hardwon, dealing 20 damage, and knocking him down. Tomah and Oscar continue downward, and she misses twice on her crossbow attack. The dragon takes another Legendary Action to whip his tail at Beverly, dealing 22 damage. Moonshine comes out of her rage, uses a Bonus Action to use Healing Word on Balnor, then jumps off the dragon to stab Hardwon with a Pep Stick, bringing him back to 1 hp. The dragon takes another Legendary Action to swipe at Moonshine, dealing 17 damage. Balnor attacks the dragon twice, hitting only once for 10 damage. Beverly uses his amulet to heal up, and as a Free Action minor illusions a cowboy hat onto his head as he rides the dragon. Then, he attacks the dragon twice, hitting only once for 8 damage. Round 7 The dragon takes a bite attack against Moonshine, but misses. Then, he uses a claw attack against her and hits for 11 damage, knocking her down. He uses his last claw attack against Hardwon, and hits for 11 damage, knocking him down again. Hardwon makes a death saving throw, and succeeds. Moonshine makes a death saving throw, and succeeds. The dragon takes another Legendary Action to whip his tail at Balnor and hits for 8 damage. Balnor jumps down and tries to resuscitate Moonshine, and succeeds on his Wisdom Check to stabilize her. The dragon takes another Legendary Action to whip his tail at Balnor and hits, knocking Balnor down. Beverly prays to Pelor, and sees if he can get an assist from Muradin. He attacks, hitting the dragon for 10 lethal damage. Wielding his sword, he plunges it into the dragon’s brain. He puts the sword into Hardwon’s hand, and helps him unconsciously “finish” the dragon. A Frozen Aftermath Beverly and Paw Paw scramble to resuscitate their friends. Together, they successfully resuscitate all their friends. Around them, the mountain crumbles and an avalanche rushes toward them. The Bronzebeard spirit flies over the Beverly and turns him to a mix of rock and ice, asking if he needs another dad. The Maganis spirit flies over to Balnor, and turns him a mix of rock and ice. The Coldain spirit flies over to Moonshine, and turns her to a mix of rock and ice, asking if she might want to marry him. Hardwon sits alone, and it seems as if he is going to die in the avalanche. Gemma appears before, and gives him a boyfriend hug. She warms him, and protects him against the avalanche before everything goes black Hardwon awakens on a snowy plane. In one direction there’s nothing but endless snow and in the other, the crack in the material plane, where he can see Gemma. She greets him, and puts her hand up to the barrier, and Hardwon does the same. She explains that the pact of the gods forbids Moradin or any of the other primordials to interact with beings directly, so he’s sent Gemma to look after him. He expresses his sorrow about being unable to protect her, but she tells him not to worry, and that she’s at peace in Moradin’s Forge. She explains that she reached out to Jaina in a dream, and told her to turn around. He asks why, and she explains that it was so Jaina could be there to save him. Next, she explains that her father is fully in hell and that she’s moving up in the ranks at Mauriden’s Forge already. She also says that Moradin is getting jealous of Kord because of Hardwon’s teetering allegiance. He suggests that he takes more time to think about it, and she suggests that they have an open thing because the Pale Prince is there with her, and he’s super hot. He oggles over the Pale Prince, and Gemma stops it. She says a final goodbye, and hopes to see him again. I Just Had The Craziest Dream Hardwon reawakens in the mortal plane where Jaina Bronzebeard pulls him from the rocks and snow. The BoB are on the S.S. Stormborn, which hovers in the air above. Others on the ship include Matty Big Crits, Lieutenant Namon, and the Bronzebeard cousins, including Razzdin. Jaina explains that Gemma told her he’d be here, and he explains that she told him too. They get on the ship and Beverly suggests they have a “Cursed Item/Gem Destroying Party,” and they consider destroying them in The Gash. Hardwon takes the gem off his neck and reminds them that they have Ulfgar to unleash. Bev uses Minor Illusion to make a pinata look like Akarot to put the gem in. Hardwon winds up and thwacks the pinata, resulting in an explosion that unleashes Ulfgar, who pounds onto the floor. Filled with the fiery desire for revenge, he suggest they go kill some Chosen. The episode ends. Quotes * Moonshine to Wilhelm after arguing: “Can we at least hug it out?” - Wilhelm after a beat: “No.” * Rust about Hardwon: “This dude loves to read.” - Hardwon: “I don’t!” * “You’re all just in time! How many people can say they were there for the end of the world?” Akarot * Akarot as the Pale Prince: “Admit that he ruled!” - Hardwon: “Alright he’s fuckin’ vascular!” * “I’ve had enough of your bullying. I liked books, you son of a bitch.” - Hardwon * “Drugs and reading are good! That’s the message of Hardwon.” - Emily. * “This is like a nightmare” - Caldwell, “Yeah, my ex’s fiance-” - Jake, "-and your high school bully wailing on you.” - Emily * “Well, you might be summer boy, but you’ve got big frozen balls. We’ll fight for you.” - Original Coldain King to Hardwon * “I know this isn’t what your jacked calves would’ve wanted” - Hardwon as he finishes the Pale Prince * “As a Free Action can I Minor Illusion a cowboy hat into my hand as I Yippee Ki Yay this dragon into the ground?” - Beverly * “My friends can’t die; I still need to teach them how to read!” - Beverly * “Mountain always tries to kill dwarves, but dwarves, we survivors.” - Original Coldain King * “Heh, let’s go kill some Chosen.” - Ulfgar * “You just feel like you’re back in Irondeep, cuddling by the fire while Wilhelm Bronzebeard has gone out for the night and you’ve snuck into her apartment.” - Murph, “Does he- Does he have a hard one?” - Emily, quietly, “Oh, I’m rock hard. He’ll be home any second baby.” - Hardwon, “She pretends not to notice.” - Murph Trivia * Moonshine is adjacent in skill to Catherine Zeta Jones. * Balnor has a Jeff Besos sort of thing going on with his hair. Music and Sound Effects * "Earthquake" by OGsoundFX at Freesound.org. * "The Eye of Akarot" by Emily Axford. * "Bash at the Gash" by Emily Axford. * "A Sight For Sore Eyes" by Emily Axford. * "The Kingshammer" by Emily Axford. * "The Bronzebeard Name" by Emily Axford. External Links * Headgum * Spotify * NADDPOD Subreddit Thread Category:Episodes Category:The Frostwind Chapter Category:Season 1